The grief process is not glamorous. It’s not popular. Few people want to talk about it let alone do the work that it takes to heal it. Grief is not happy. It’s not fun and it requires your greatest patience. Patience with your self and patience from others.
No wonder it is so repulsive.
The ability to hold both joy and pain equally, is the gift of grief.
Grief asks so much of us and so much from others. It’s messy, chaotic and extremely uncomfortable. It challenges others to witness the ugliness of grief. It disrupts and creates lasting changes that forever shapes how we move forward.
The emotional body experiences explosive, violent and disturbing waves. These waves are uncontrollable and unpredictable. It can feel scary and unsafe. When will another wave hit? How will I get back to shore? Can I get back to solid ground? Touching your emotional body through the grief process is a deep relationship with the Divine Feminine- her untamed, wild body of wisdom, strength and uncertainty.
Grief is far from popular.
Very few people are brave enough to do the work, the tireless work, that it takes in order to use grief as a resource for healing and awakening. Consequently most people don’t grieve fully and the healing does not take place. The gift never arrives. The wisdom is never extracted. Stunting the grief process is damaging on multiple levels and can effect all four bodies- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
Grief can be your biggest transformational resource for awakening. So why do most people resist this process?
If used properly, grief can heal and transform your biggest wounds, as well as repair your ancestral karmas. In fact much of the grief, suffering and pain you will face in your life time is directly handed down from your ancestors. This is the result of your ancestors not honoring and healing their own grief. From an epigenetic perspective, this unprocessed grief becomes your familial mythology and shapes your personal mythology as well.
Grief does not go away. Let me repeat that. Grief does not go away.
Grief changes though, and it will change you. Change is inevitable and impossible to avoid. The very nature of the grief process is change, uncontrollable change. These changes must be honored, authentically and consistently. The changes your grief forces you to confront will awaken you, if you let it.
The grief journey is not joyful.
It usually doesn’t look or feel happy. But it can become your greatest teacher.
From a Jyotish perspective, grief is shown by Saturn, the planet of both hard work and enlightenment. This is the story of grief- hard work and enlightenment. From consistent heat, pressure and time, the diamond appears. Saturn supports you with this transformational journey.
Saturn also brings resistance. Karmically speaking, the very thing you most desire is often what you are also resisting the most. Saturn shows us our resistance to healing and expresses the simultaneous desire for liberation. He shows us where the hard work must be done.
Do you know how to work with your resistance as a healing resource?!
In my personal experience with various forms of grief (lifelong grief, acute grief, as well as trauma induced grief) the lack of external support for my grief has been one of the biggest hindrances to my awakening.
I consistently see the lack of support with the grief journey as the biggest obstacle to healing and awakening that my clients have. This is also how the grief process gets suppressed and avoided. Without the necessary holding, reflection, witnessing and mirroring during the grief journey, there is a risk of it becoming stuck, stagnant, or even worse- creating disturbing mutations of the shadow.
Witnessing and holding clients through their grief journey has been powerfully validating for me personally and professionally. Consistent holding and honoring one’s process of awakening can in fact change personal and ancestral wounding, liberate one from systemic family issues and transform and heal simultaneously.
This has also been my personal experience with grief and trauma. It has only been through very consistent, reliable holding that I have had the courage to face my own darkness. The courage I’ve needed to face my own debilitating grief has come through very sacred containers. This includes one on one support and group support. I’ve been fortunate enough to experience containers of support that mirrored to me that I am safe. (But plenty of others that mirrored to me that I was not safe, not contained, that my grief was not welcome or honored).
Safety is the antidote to grief. But safety must be rebuilt and re-established after a loss. Being held in a safe and sacred container can help to re-establish the feeling of safety inside and out.
Grief is in fact an opportunity to look at your biggest shadows, and your darkest darkness.
But the grief journey is not a popular one.
It is shunned and so often misunderstood. There is little to no space for grieving in our relationships and communities, resulting in unprocessed grief more times than not. Far too often the grief journey gets stunted or is incomplete.
The truth is that the grief process does not end, but we must attend to it very intentionally, with deep presence. It goes hand in hand with life and must be honored as an equal partner in the process of living. Grief is your most powerful medicine, a potent tool for your inner awakening.
I’m on a mission to normalize grief, to educate others about its wisdom and power. I continue to be inspired by my grief journey and what I witness in my clients. Grief is a powerful teacher.